Nuggets 拾穗 - 壹

(Pre 2011)

1. Reading a story of personal trails and faith to endure. Wondering why God does things this way or that. Then I think to myself, are you trying to rationalize so the sufferings and unthinkables become more palatable? Is that a sign of lack of faith? The Spirit says, why not? When you understand the reasons, you are seeing through God’s eyes. Isn’t that what you want?

2. On my routine fast day, heavy workload made me think I need to eat for strength. Recently read somewhere eating fruits does not break the fast. So I was going to eat some fruit to maintain the fast while not be too taxed physically. Then I think to myself, I love fruits. Eating fruits is not sacrifice instead of enjoyable to me. Is that fast? The Spirit says, loving what God loves brings joy. Only when our desires are different from God’s desire, forsaking those things become a sacrifice. The very demands God put on us are also the rewards He gives to those who love His ways. That is why the Law of God is sweet to the righteo us and burdensome to the wicked.

3. God’s love and God’s favor are two different things, yet often people confuse these two as the same. God’s love is unconditional. God decided to love, and he provides for those whom he loves, according to their needs. Yet God’s favor is conditional, and interactive, partially determined by men’s responses. Therefore God gives more to those whom he favors, even to overflow. This overflow is not guaranteed. Because God favors, he may lavish upon the person beyond his provision for other children. This lavish is not given merely based upon the status of being God’s children. Also, the abundance he lavished could be material things, but also could be Spiritual riches that seems a lack in the natural. After all God is lavishing treasure upon us to the same storehouse where He commands us to store our own treasure.  I think most prosperity teaching mixes these two.

4. Watching the Gospel of John, was struck by this one verse and pondered:
John 4:2 '(although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples),'

The example set by Jesus: Baptized in water by man (John), then baptized in H.S. although in the same event, still distinct happenings

Mat 3:13 'Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to John, to be baptized by him.' ...Mat 3:16'And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him;' (also Mark 1:9-11, Luke 3:31)

John and Jesus’ statements about baptism: John (men) baptized with water for repentance, Jesus baptizes with H.S. and fire for rebirth 

Mat 3:11 'I baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.' .... Mat 3:15 'But Jesus answered him, ''Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.'
John 3:5 Jesus answered, ''Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. (also Mark 1:8 )
Apostle’s teaching and experience: both water and H.S.
Act 2:38 'And Peter said to them, ''Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.'
Act 8:12 'But when they believed Philip as he preached good news about the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women.'
Act 8:16-17 'for he (H.S.) had not yet fallen on any of them, but they had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.' Then they laid their hands on them and they received the Holy Spirit.
Act 10:44 While Peter was still saying these things, the Holy Spirit fell on all who heard the word. ... Act 10:48 And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked him to remain for some days.
Act 19:3'And he said, ''Into what then were you baptized?'' They said, ''Into John's baptism.' Act 19:4 'And Paul said, ''John baptized with the baptism of repentance, telling the people to believe in the one who was to come after him, thatis, Jesus.''' Act 19:5 'On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.' Act 19:6 'And when Paul had laid his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they began speaking in tongues and prophesying.'
Rom 6:3 Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? Rom 6:4 'We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.'

So it seems to me that water baptism is men’s responsibility- willing to repent and to die; H.S. baptism is God’s responsibility – willing to save and to give life. Jesus himself took John’s baptism, not to repent of his own sin, but willingly to die for men’s sin. He then received the H.S. from the Father, not for rebirth as men needed, but for the revealing of his life and sonship (the Father was able to announce: this is my beloved son, with whom I amwell pleased). So those who assumes water baptism is all that there is are wrong. Without repentance, water baptism is not a true death. Without the baptism of H.S. one is still not of God. (I'm not talking about when and how these two events happens)

5. I sensed Lord's anger when we started to pray against the homosexual agenda and genetic manipulation of the food. I felt the Lord is angry because all these activities (homosexuality, abortion, genetic manipulation of human and nature...) are Satan's attempt to extinct/defile God's seed. Yes Jesus is THE SEED of woman who crushes the head of THE Serpent. But we are also the seed of woman (woman kind, as well as the revealation Woman) who crushes the heads of the serpents. And we are all God's seed. So the plot to extinct/defile cause the Lord to be very angry for it is very personal to Him. We should know we pray against these evil activities not only for moral reason, but for deeper spiritual reason.

A friend’s response: 'For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rules, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.' The enemy is trying all ways to sabotage the Lord's redemption plan but their efforts will be of no avail in the end. 'For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. '

How to Fight Fair

Unfair fight escalate idea conflicts to personal conflicts. Although this article was written for marriage counseling, the principle is suitable for all relationships.

Adapted from 10 rules for getting good at what we all do by Simon Presland 

http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/how-to-fight-fair.html

Fighting is one of the ways we resolve conflicts. Here are ten guidelines to help you do it in a healthy way.

1. Face your fear of confrontation.

Do you cringe at the thought of confrontation? Due to past experiences, you may perceive any conflict or confrontation as an emotionally crushing experience. You may believe, If we clash, I'll be judged, or worse, rejected.

Pastor Luke Perry, a licensed marriage counselor, notes that a fear-based mentality is the root of this perception. "Spouses who think this way are caught in a cycle of self-condemnation," he says. "This is often due to a lack of acceptance while growing up. When this fear controls a person, confrontation can be very painful."

Overcoming this fear starts with understanding that confronting your spouse is an act of love. According to 1 John 4:18, perfect love casts out all fear. It may be helpful to write down a list of the benefits that will result when the hurtful issue is resolved. This will keep you focused on the reasons for talking about the situation. Refer to it when either you or your spouse becomes defensive. Shining a positive light on a delicate confrontation will help keep peace between you.

2. Discuss the conflict as soon as possible.

The old proverb, "time heals all wounds" does not apply to conflicts in marriage. But the modern-day saying, "timing is everything" does. When an irritating issue is unresolved, it builds emotional distance between you and your spouse. And just like a splinter, the issue gets under your skin and continues to fester until it is dealt with. When your spouse's behavior bothers you, make a decision to confront your mate as soon as possible. If the issue needs your undivided attention, choose a time when no one else is around—even if you have to ask for a few minutes alone together.

3. State exactly what is bothering you.

Donna was upset. She had repeatedly asked Frank to pick up his clothes. But, once again, she stared down at his dirty socks lying on the bedroom floor.

I shouldn't make such a big deal out of it, she thought. After all, I'm the one who's home all day.

Justifying an irritating action or hoping an issue will just go away doesn't work. Hiding the pain that you feel today will only resurface in the form of sarcasm, criticism, or anger later. When you choose to overlook a potential conflict, you allow resentment to build, while inviting strife and division to take up residence. It also means that you are giving your mate permission to continue his or her bothersome behavior.

For a marriage to remain on equal footing, both spouses must take responsibility for their actions. Be willing to state exactly what is that you don't like. Then the two of you can discuss some specific solutions.

4. Stick to the subject at hand.

In many marriages, confronting an issue is the gunpowder that ignites World War III. Defenses kick in. Accusations fly. And by the time the smoke has cleared, spouses have bombed each other with everything that has happened since the day they were married.

When you decide to face an issue, don't allow yourself—or your mate—to drag in past hurts. Deal with one issue at a time. Make a rule between yourselves that if neither is willing to discuss a sore point as soon as it happens, then the issue cannot be used as ammunition for future fights.

5. If your spouse says you do, then it's true.

When confronted with an issue, your first response may be to hide behind statements such as, "No I don't" or "You're just exaggerating." When your mate states that you're doing something irritating, trust him or her. Consciously choose to look past your defensive walls and ask your spouse, "Why does this bother you?" Then listen to what is being said. Try to see his or her point of view, and be willing to change for the good of your marriage.

6. Avoid generalizing.

"You're always putting down my family," Tom fumed to Becky as they left his parent's house. "Can't you ever say anything nice about them?"

"Always?" Becky yelled. "You think that I'm always putting down your family?"

Extreme words such as always, never, right, wrong, good, or bad will cause your mate to be defensive and lash out at you. These words generalize a situation without giving proof that what you are saying is true. Stick to concrete examples of present-day behavior. Then your spouse will have a vivid illustration of his or her actions.

7. Avoid personal insults and character assassination.

"Attacking your mate's character is the best way to make an enemy for life," says Pastor Luke. "To avoid this, it is important to see the issue as the problem—not your spouse. This is how God deals with us. He tells us of his infinite acceptance, yet confronts us on issues that do not line up with his word." Stay focused on the issue at hand. This will help you to remain objective and express your thoughts clearly without alienating your spouse through personal attacks.

8. Confront with truth. Affirm with love.

"Honey, I really appreciate all of your hard work around the house. But when I asked you to bring in the mail, you ignored my wishes. Why is that?"

The best way to talk about something negative is to start with something positive. Next, state the issue, and give your mate the opportunity to reflect on the problem you've presented. Your partner may not realize that their actions are upsetting you. And when you give your spouse a chance to think things through, he or she may surprise you with a positive response.

9. Listen to learn.

"When couples come into my office we rarely deal with the real issues during the first session," says Pastor Luke. "Sadly, many couples have never learned the art of conversation. And they are so buried in their hurts, they cannot put their feelings into words."

Be ready to listen to your spouse after you confront him or her. Just as you want to be heard, so does your spouse. If there are hurt feelings involved, be patient as you wade through the tough issues together. As you ask your spouse to see from your perspective, be willing to see from his or hers as well. Are there changes that need to be made on your part? Confrontation can be an opportunity to learn new things about your spouse, as well as develop greater teamwork and accountability together.

10. Confront to heal, not to win.

Some people view conflict and confrontation as a win-lose situation. These spouses see being right as far more important than the marital relationship. But working out a hurtful issue is not about who's right and who's wrong. Your goal should not be to win, but to confront a conflict and restore the harmony in your relationship. Whenever possible, the solution to a problem should benefit both parties. When both spouses feel good about a resolution, it will reestablish the emotional bond between the two of you. Confronting to heal instead of to win will keep your marriage on healthy ground.

他為什麼攻擊我？─ 談組織中的衝突溝通

周俊宏

教會是神的家，也是屬靈的團契。當我們蒙神拯救，受洗歸主名下，就時刻與主耶穌和弟兄姊妹有著密切的屬靈交通，且在各類的團契與組織中盡本分來事奉神。然而在團契的生活當中，常因溝通不良而導致爭執與衝突。事實上，衝突是不可能完全避免的，重要的是要如何處理衝突，認識其原因、類別，以聖經的神言為基礎，善加輔導，而達於在聖靈中合而為一的境界，使屬靈的團契能更圓滿。聖經中也有一些衝突的例子，茲略舉如下：

從聖經看衝突的例子
1.摩西與米利暗（民十二）

摩西的姊姊米利暗因嫉妒摩西的領導權，她心想：這位小弟若非當年自己的勇敢與聰明，居中牽線讓摩西成為法老女兒的養子，老早就一命嗚呼了，如今竟要自己聽他的，這口氣實在是嚥不下去。於是夥同較沒主見的亞倫，尋隙攻擊自己的弟弟摩西，其實是向其領導權挑戰。幸好神為摩西做證，同時也鞏固其領導中心，米利暗也因此受罰，長了大痲瘋七日。

2.馬大與馬利亞（路十38-42）

因著性情與事奉觀念的不同，就連這一對愛主的姊妹也起了衝突。照理說馬大和馬利亞她們就肉身的關係是同胞骨肉，按屬靈的關係是同靈，在事奉主的事工上是同工，應當是最好的搭配：卻因著馬大輕視別人的事奉（認為馬利亞陪伴主是偷懶），自我中心主義（認為自己的服事才是服事），以及愛主不純真（競爭性的愛主和只愛主的稱讚），而有所衝突。

3.保羅與巴拿巴對馬可的接納觀點（徒十五36-41）

保羅拒絕再度接納馬可成為其對外佈道的同工事上，不但不賣巴拿巴這位對他有「知遇之恩」的面子，甚至與他分道揚鑣、各走各的；看出年輕時保羅的固執，而有時同工之間的衝突非因有人不愛主、不愛教會，乃因在觀念與堅持上有了差異性，這時候就顯出了溝通的重要。

4.掃羅追殺大衛

掃羅因嫉妒婦女對大衛歌頌（撒上十八6-9），並知神要大衛接續他的王位（撒上二十30-33），所以執意要殺掉大衛。「功高震主」，向來是歷史上，主從之間衝突的來源之一。

在教會中是不該有階級和主從的關係，因為我們都是肢體，並且只有一位主，就是耶穌基督。但在工作權責的區分上，還會有層級的區別，只是我們以服事來取代指揮，並且是以「大的服事小的」為原則。

衝突的因素
然而，造成團體組織中的衝突因素有哪些呢？

1.觀點的對立

因著個人的背景（種族、國情、文化）、知識（教育程度、職業類別）、位置（事奉的職分）及靈性狀況等的不同，而有不同的觀點與想法。

2.溝通的不良

a.資訊不明確。
b.發表意見時被中斷、誤會、未說明清楚。
c.情緒上的偏離、無耐心、不肯容忍、口角、轉移。
d.缺乏尊重、口氣、傾聽、地位。

3.本位主義

優先考慮自己的使命，認為自己最重要，強加自身的標準於他人身上 （在分工細密的大組織中，尤其顯著）。

4.爭取有限資源

a.空間（你之所得，我之所失）的零和遊戲。
b.責任權力。
c.人力。
d.物力（工具設備）。

5.界定不明的責任

邊緣工作項目成為衝突的導火線，規章、細則、合約、工作說明書，或模糊、考慮不周延的政策。

6.改變

朝令夕改，變來變去，成了「惟有改變，恆久不變」。

團契溝通中衝突的化解
團契生活中，如果產生衝突，我們應如何化解呢？

1.角色扮演（Role Play）

角色扮演幫助我們從別人的眼光看世界，嘗試去想想別人真正的感受。假設由自己來扮演他的角色，自己將會有怎樣的反應，如此不但能保持彼此間良好的關係，同時也使雙方獲得各自堅持的願望，一點也不做任何不合理的妥協。

2.同理心的對話（Empathic Dialogue）

這方法不如前者戲劇化，但企圖在談論中了解對方的思想、觀點、態度以及感情，經歷他們所經歷的，使雙方都能獲得個人所要的，堅持個人所堅持的見解。不過在彼此分享觀點時，雙方須以同一個角度來看事物。

3.中立的意見（Third Party Counsel）

另一個留心面對的提議：是請第三者對兩者的激烈辯論給予合理的綜合見解，使兩個相對立的人，可以從各觀點的見解中，將兩個意見拉近。在小組的衝突中，最好也能有較好的朋友幫忙以客觀的方法來審斷。

4.超越的目標（Search for Superordinate Goal）

這是第四種合作共同研討的方法，尋求一個更高、更超凡的目標，那許多瑣碎的目標便算不得什麼了，因為至終的目標經常能使我們的分歧聯合在一起。

5.公平的爭論（Fight Fair）

其實小組間的爭論不是不好，只要公正合理，個人平心靜氣，就會使爭論或衝突有好的效果。在爭執中最主要的不是諷刺對方，也不是要責怪對方，只要雙方皆能蒐集足夠的資料，合情合理公平地爭執，就能爭取到最好的結論，同時也能保持彼此完好的關係。

處理衝突的技巧
衝突的處理技巧，除了求神賜我們智慧來解決衝突之外，以下建議一些小技巧：

1.用雙方所了解的定義來解決問題並找出焦點與原因，例：「築壇」事件（書二十二10-34）。

2.逐一處理，不要讓事件更混雜（即簡化處理過程）。保持對事不對人的積極態度，例：基甸婉言慰以法蓮人（士八1-3）。

3.能有理智的態度，避免以情緒對立解決問題，例：以法蓮人怨耶弗他（士十二1-6）。先解決小的歧見，不等待惡化才通盤處理，並讓自己學習嘗試接納新觀念，增廣視野；如果真的一時無法處理，那就暫緩決議，留予時空來自然處理（Time will tell）。

此外，有效的溝通技巧（腓二14），除了凡所行的都不要發怨言、起爭論，注意聆聽的技巧、聲調語氣、身體語言及情緒的反應外；尚有：清楚傳達信息，減少誤解，用詞個人化：「我想……我覺得……」以表達觀點，避免攻擊性的言語，不吹毛求疵、重要的才強調、態度誠懇，尊重對方、心口一致，用愛心說誠實話，以同理心認同、接納對方的感受。

結論
正確地處理溝通上的問題，常能促進團契進步，使教會聖工更加完善，衝突雖然無法避免，但不一定是壞事。基督徒當注意衝突的正面意義，在團契互動中，存心謙卑，個人看別人比自己強，存著一樣的愛心意念，不貪圖虛浮的榮耀，不結黨，不競爭，同心興旺福音，報答主恩，榮耀主名。阿們！

參考資料：取自潘誠人執事所編寫之講義《團體組織中的衝突溝通》。 

(原[青年團契]2000年04月號)

禁止嘴唇

读经：箴言10:13-23;13
     13 明哲人嘴里有智慧，无知人背上受刑杖。
     14 智慧人积存知识，愚妄人的口速致败坏。
     15 富户的财物是他的坚城，穷人的贫乏是他的败坏。
     16 义人的勤劳致生；恶人的进项致死（“死”原文作“罪”）。
     17 谨守训诲的，乃在生命的道上，违弃责备的，便失迷了路。
     18 隐藏怨恨的，有说谎的嘴，口出谗谤的，是愚妄的人。
     19 多言多语难免有过，禁止嘴唇是有智慧。
     20 义人的舌乃似高银；恶人的心所值无几。
     21 义人的口教养多人，愚昧人因无知而死亡。
     22 耶和华所赐的福，使人富足，并不加上忧虑。
     23 愚妄人以行恶为戏耍，明哲人却以智慧为乐。

金句：箴言10:19
    多言多语难免有过，禁止嘴唇是有智慧。

    伦敦圣保罗大教堂的建筑有一个奇特之处，称为“耳语廊”。有一个网站如此解释这个名字的缘由：“你面对拱廊一端墙壁轻声说的话，会经由这座大教堂的巨型圆顶清楚传到对面的墙壁。”换句话说，你可以和朋友坐在圣保罗大教堂两面遥遥相对的墙壁旁对着墙壁悄声对话。这个奇特现象一方面成为圣保罗大教堂的一大特色，一方面也能够提醒我们：我们私底下谈论他人的闲言闲语，都会像在耳语廊说话一样容易被传开来。而且这些闲言闲语不仅会散播到各处，也会对他人造成极大的伤害。这也许就是为何圣经常常劝诫我们：要留意自己如何说话。充满智慧的所罗门王说：“多言多语难免有过，禁止嘴唇是有智慧。”（箴言10:19）让我们彼此劝勉，不要再说无益、伤人的闲言闲语了；让我们学习保持静默并克制自己的唇舌；“求主助我小心言语；谨慎自己口舌嘴唇；不要传说流言蜚语；不用话语谋杀他人。”闲言止于智者！
    常话说：“谣言没有腿可以走遍天下。”闲言闲语最会破坏人际之间的关系。诗篇15:1-3 大卫说：“耶和华啊，谁能寄居你的帐幕？谁能住在你的圣山？就是行为正直，作事公义，心里说实话的人。他不以舌头谗谤人，不恶待朋友，也不随伙毁谤邻里。”神不喜悦我们以舌头谗谤人，不喜欢我们恶待朋友，更厌恶我们随伙毁谤邻里。罗马书1:29-31 保罗提到那些故意不认识神的人所行种种不合理的事，他说：“装满了各样不义、邪恶、贪婪、恶毒（或作“阴毒”），满心是嫉妒、凶杀、争竞、诡诈、毒恨，又是谗毁的、背后说人的、怨恨神的（或作“被神所憎恶的”）、侮慢人的、狂傲的、自夸的、捏造恶事的、违背父母的、无知的、背约的、无亲情的、不怜悯人的。”32 节，保罗说：“他们虽知道神判定行这样事的人是当死的，然而他们不但自己去行，还喜欢别人去行。”请我们留意，其中有几样是跟言语有关的，包括“谗毁的”、“背后说人的”、“捏造恶事的”。此外，提摩太后书第三章还提到“好说谗言”，这些都是神眼中的恶、神眼中的罪。我们舌头上的话，神没有一句不知道的。神鉴察我们的心，他从远处知道我们的意念。所以我们不要以为说别人的闲话没关系，要知道这是神不喜悦的，是蒙恩的人不该做的。约翰福音10:10 主耶稣说：“盗贼来，无非要偷窃、杀害、毁坏；我来了，是要叫羊（或作“人”）得生命，并且得的更丰盛。”那叫人生命毁坏的就是盗贼。别人若因为我的闲言闲语生命受亏损，我就成了神眼中的盗贼。所以我们不但不可在别人背后说人闲话、好说谗言或随伙毁谤邻里，甚至不要和这样的人结交。箴言20:19经文说：“往来传舌的，泄漏密事；大张嘴的，不可与他结交。”什么样的人是“大张嘴的”？就是那些爱说闲话的人，不可与他们结交。他每次找你就是要说别人的闲话，就是要你随着他一起毁谤。圣经提醒我们不要和这样的人交往，免得受他影响。弟兄姐妹：要勒住自己的舌头，要把守自己的嘴唇。“多言多语难免有过，禁止嘴唇是有智慧。”马太福音12:36-37主耶稣说：“我又告诉你们：凡人所说的闲话，当审判的日子，必要句句供出来。因为要凭你的话定你为义；也要凭你的话定你有罪。”

    神对我们所说的话是很认真的。凡我们讲的话，连讲过的“闲话”在审判的日子句句都要供出来。所以要小心我们的言语，凡是关乎别人的话，在我们说出口之前先问自己：“这是真的吗？”“我这么说有爱心吗？”“我需要说吗？”“我这么说恰当吗？”古希腊哲学家苏格拉底曾说：“在你说话以先，请你用三个筛子把它过滤过，第一个筛子就是“真实”，你说的是实话吗？第二个筛子就是“善意”，你是出于善意吗？第三个筛子就是“重要”，你有必要说吗？其他的都是渣子，是你不需要说的，说了有害无益，说了徒增困扰。”所以基督徒的话要说得少、要精简、要说得好、要三思而后言，言语宁可寡少，也不要多言。“慎言”是很重要的操练，孙大中曾经分享过早期内地会一位负责同工孙德生弟兄讲过一段语重心长的话，他说：“基督徒的工作和见证受到拦阻，多数是因为在言语上犯罪。他们可能逃避肉体中许多大罪，但是他们往往容忍和原谅自己嘴唇所犯的罪。”我们的口可能成为我们事奉最大的拦阻，给自己制造许多不必要的麻烦。千万不要低估“耳语”、“闲言”可能给人带来的伤害。箴言25:18 经文说：“作假见证陷害邻舍的，就是大槌，是利刀，是快箭。”这是语言谋杀。犹太民间有这么一个小故事：“一个爱说闲话的犹太人偶尔说了一位拉比的坏话,但后来因为他良心不安，就来跟这位拉比道歉。他说：“拉比，有一天我不经意地说了你一些坏话，我感到很不对，我心里过意不去，非常抱歉，我该怎样弥补呢？”拉比就要他带着一个羽绒枕头到广场去，让他割破这个枕头，然后收拾散开的羽毛。当这个犹太人遵照吩咐把羽绒枕头在广场上割开之后，枕头里的羽毛漫天飞舞，最后检回来的只有几根，其他的都检不回来了。”弟兄姐妹：我们说出去的话都收不回来了，我们因为在话语上的不谨慎给人造成的伤害要怎么收回来？都收不回来了。我们多么容易把一件小事过度渲染，加上自己主观的评论、猜疑，让人弄不清楚是真是假，而人都会对事情存有“好奇心”，对别人或者别人所做的事情都感兴趣，所以“八挂新闻”、“小道消息”常常不径而走。箴言18:8 经文说：“传舌人的言语，如同美食深入人的心腹。”人喜欢听闲言闲语，也喜欢聊闲言闲语，好像喜欢美食那样。很多时候神的话我们听不进去，重要的道理我们不愿意听，但是闲言闲语一来，我们的耳朵立刻就竖起来了，我们的精神就来了。一个爱听闲话的人自然有人找他说闲话。你有爱听闲话的习惯吗？求主帮助你改过来，不要把时间、精神浪费在这些事情上。基督徒要热心传福音、要讲道，不要爱传闲话。要热心听道、爱慕神的话语，而不是爱听闲话。要知道那些在你面前说别人坏话的人，也会在别人面前说你的坏话。当你随伙毁谤邻里的时候，要知道下一个被毁谤的人就是你。所以让我们远离闲言，不说、不传，也不听。让我们用祷告取代闲言闲语，不在别人背后批评论断，而是为他祷告。当有人在别人的背后批评论断、议论是非、说得口沫横飞的时候，请你记得提醒他──“那我们为他祷告吧！”箴言26:20经文说：“火缺了柴就必熄灭，无人传舌，争竞便止息。”我们要有属天的智慧，要做智慧人，不要做胡涂人、愚昧人。不要专门去听那些搬弄是非的话，而且不经查证就信了，然后再把它传出去，又因为人爱听，以后你就专门讲这样的话。箴言11:14 说：“无智谋，民就败落；谋士多，人便安居。”一个教会闹分裂、吵得不可开交，经常就是因为我们智慧不够、我们智慧不足、我们爱心也不够。一个有智慧的人、有见识的人懂得以大局为重、顾全大局，我们要作神忠心、良善、有见识的仆人，要有从上头来的智慧。雅各书3:17-18 说到：“惟独从上头来的智能，先是清洁，后是和平，温良柔顺，满有怜悯，多结善果，没有偏见，没有假冒。并且使人和平的，是用和平所栽种的义果。”让一切对人批评论断的传言到我们这里就化为祝福和祷愿。求主赐给我们爱人的心，求主帮助我们的爱心是有根有基的，帮助我们远离“随伙毁谤邻里”的试探。让我们以恩慈相待，存怜悯的心，不要因为嫉妒人而说闲话中伤人。我们要学习大卫这样的祷告：“耶和华我的盘石，我的救赎主啊，愿我口中的言语，心里的意念，在你面前蒙悦纳。”（诗篇19:14）求主帮助我们放下心中的优越感、心中的骄傲，我们心存谦卑，各人看别人比自己强、别人比自己重要。不要贪图虚浮的荣耀，不要贪图虚名彼此惹气、互相嫉妒，而是彼此相爱、彼此建立，照着主所喜悦的去行。
    今天社会上所需要的不是更多毁谤的话、责难的话、嘲笑的话，而是安慰人、造就人、鼓励人的好话。有一个残疾青年，因为天生残缺，经常有人嘲笑他。有一次他心情非常恶劣，他对自己说：“今天前前后后已经有二十个人讥笑过我，如果我再听到有一个人讥笑我、戏弄我，我就去死，我就结束自己的生命，我觉得活着没有意思！”结果，不久他就遇到一个小女生。他心想：“我只要从她口里再听见一句嘲笑我的话，我就结束自己的生命。”没想到小女生对他说：“嗨，你好吗？你今天看起来很不错啊！”一句好话就让他打消了要自杀的念头。亲爱的弟兄姐妹：我们的耳朵听什么？我们的舌头说什么？以赛亚书50:4 说：“主耶和华赐我受教者的舌头，使我知道怎样用言语扶助疲乏的人。主每早晨提醒，提醒我的耳朵，使我能听，像受教者一样。”所罗门说：“智慧人的舌头，是医人的良药。”求主帮助我们不要说话浮躁、不要不经大脑，帮助我们说话带着和气、带着温柔、带着爱。今天教会花很多时间去化解不当的言语所带来的纷争，结果耽误了服事、拖延了圣工。弟兄姐妹：粗心的话可能引起纷争；无情的话可能伤及生命；合宜的话可以减少压力；仁慈的话能把伤口治愈。箴言15:23 所罗门说：“口善应对，自觉喜乐，话合其时，何等美好。”箴言15:1 所罗门又说：“回答柔和，使怒消退。”单单“口善应对，话合其时”这八个字就足以让我们思想许久。让我们随事说造就人的好话，叫听见的人得益处。讲话不费力，但是讲完之后，我们却要为刚才所说的负起最大的责任。雅各书3:2 雅各说：“原来我们在许多事上都有过失；若有人在话语上没有过失，他就是完全人，也能勒住自己的全身。”一个人能够在话语上没有过失是很难的，我们太容易纵容自己的舌头，在口舌上犯罪。圣经告诉我们，我们的舌头就像船上的舵一样，它是随着自己的意思转动，我们就是“掌舵的”，求主帮助我们作一个谨慎的掌舵者，懂得三思而后言。

    请我们一起祷告：主啊，求主让我不说闲话、不传谣言，求主让我在言语上越来越像基督，求主禁止我冒失发言，求主让我懂得勒住舌头，求主让我的心被你所洁净，让我的心思意念被你的爱所充满。赦免我过去经常以口犯罪、说了很多不合宜的话。求主赐我受教的心，求主用你的灵光照我，用你的道建造我，让我得知真道以后，就不再回头走在错误的道路上。祷告祈求奉靠救主耶稣基督的圣名。阿们！

    原文网址：http://www.liangyou.net/files/media/share/article/bv/bv23.pdf  禁止嘴唇 《灵命日粮》讲义